


And I…Will Stumble and Fall…

by dirksnipples



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, alcohol mention, kinda a vent fic there, self hate, vent fic, ‘I think idk actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18284027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirksnipples/pseuds/dirksnipples
Summary: Idk I’m intoxicated and depressed and am posting this while drinking so I mean vent fic I guess idk sorry, Yeah, sorry.Also I’m sure it’s poorly written, but enjoy whatever this is If it even stays probsbly will idkLyrics are from ‘Say Something’ by Little Big World(I think Im reading it right hahaha don’t know but it looks right at the moment)





	And I…Will Stumble and Fall…

**Author's Note:**

> Idk I’m intoxicated and depressed and am posting this while drinking so I mean vent fic I guess idk sorry, Yeah, sorry. 
> 
> Also I’m sure it’s poorly written, but enjoy whatever this is If it even stays probsbly will idk
> 
> Lyrics are from ‘Say Something’ by Little Big World
> 
> (I think Im reading it right hahaha don’t know but it looks right at the moment)

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

 

Depression…

 

You know what it feels like. Well, sometimes you don’t, or you think that you don’t. Your anxiety tells you that you don’t, that you’re just overreacting, because that’s what you do. Overreact. Well, that’s what everyone says. 

You try not to take everything to heart, but it’s hard not to sometimes. You try to ignore all of the things that tell you that these people aren’t quite fond of you, because you’re overreacting, they like you. They wouldn’t let you hang around them if they didn’t, right?

…Right…?

Yes, this is what you tell yourself.

Your boyfriend says so as well. He knows what’s best for you, and he makes you feel lots of good things. 

He makes you confident. Kenny is the most strongest, most confident person that you know, and he makes you want to stand out alongside him. He makes you want to try out everything, and go about your day full of positivity. 

But...it gets really hard when he’s not there. Everyone starts telling you that you’re doing everything wrong. That you don’t know what you’re doing, so they don’t trust you with the more important tasks, because you’re a klutz. You’re an airhead, you don’t know what you’re doing. 

They’re right. You don’t know what you’re doing. Yet, you just wish that they understood how much you try to understand something so complicated. How much you want to be useful, instead of being pushed to do the easier and more mundane tasks, because you go about things in an awkward fashion. You just get too shy to ask questions. You just feel like a burden when they sigh at you, having to stop what they’re doing just to show you what you need to do. You don’t like asking questions, everyone looks at you like you’re an idiot, so you tend to keep quiet. You burden them, you’re annoying. People act like you can’t be serious when you need to be, but you can be. They never let you be. 

You’re struggling, but when you try to speak up, you’re looked at like you’re the immature one. Like, you’re the one being the problem, and you wouldn’t feel the way you do if you would just listen, but how can you listen when they won’t tell you? How can you do something right, and it actually be right, when you get told so many different things, but are the one to get in trouble for doing them that way? Why is it when something’s not even you’re fault, you still get in trouble?

Why can’t you make your parents proud? You bother them with your presence too. You do the exact opposite of what they want..you always do..

Talking to Kenny brings your back down from that toxic high, and you feel confident to keep going the next day. 

 

There are days that make you smile. You feel confident, everything is great. 

Until it isn’t. You can’t help but sit there. Sit there and be reminded that you are annoying. That you are the biggest idiot alive, and you cause problems for everyone and everything around you. You’re ugly inside and out, and this is who you are, and you’ll never amount to anything but disgusting trash on the sidewalk. This is your fate, and no matter how good you try to be, or how much you try to achieve what is supposed to be your dream, you won’t. 

You can’t even be aloud to focus on your dream unless you’re with Kenny. He reminds you that you need to push and never give up on it. How it makes him happy to see you want to do something so amazing. You always feel so good when you hear this. You’re able to relax for once, believing that one day, you’ll be able to do it.

Yet, you never get time for it. You should be able to do it, it’s not complicated. Everyone else can handle all of this stress and still achieve their dreams, so why can’t you? You have no room to talk they say. No room to complain, because they have more on their plate than you, and you stressing over something that can be done whenever you want is nothing compared to what they have to do. 

You believe it. 

Well, sometimes you don’t, but that’s around Kenny. He tells you that your stress is just as valid as theirs, and that it’s okay to complain sometimes. That he is here to listen to you when you need it, and you try so hard not to cry, because it takes the biggest weight off of your shoulders, and you know that if you cry, that he will worry, and you don’t want to worry him. 

And that’s what causes you to not complain as much. You don’t want to overwhelm him with the same worries everyday, because your anxiety and depression make you act up inside with the same bullshit. 

Bullshit that everyone hates to hear. 

Bullshit that will worry Kenny if you actually talk about it. 

You don’t cry in front of a lot of people anymore..

No, instead you keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself, because Kenny has more important things to worry about then how depressing you can be on an almost daily basis. He wants to move up in the world, unlike you. He’s going places, unlike you. 

No, instead you’ll sit here, alcohol sliding up inside of you to the point you feel like you’re drowning, trying to forget just how much of a nuisance that you really are.

 

_And I, will swallow my pride…_


End file.
